why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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