You can't special order awesome
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
