i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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