my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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