I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
