I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
