Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
