I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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