you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
please come you make the beer taste better
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
