i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
