someone get that fucking seahorse.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
