I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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