I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
