Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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