I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
