I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
And then he peed in my hair
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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