ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
