I wish I could teleport
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Small penises have feelings too.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
