I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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