You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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