Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize