Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
