I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We are two peas in an std pod
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize