I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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