How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Alive.
So much puke
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
