I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
