Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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