our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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