I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
