My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
