You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
