He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
