Me too!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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