I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
