i just google imaged poop.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize