Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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