Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found the puke drawer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
