So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
