I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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