I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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