We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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