i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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