He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im six kinds of drunk right now
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
