Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
