Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
