I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
