So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
