Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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