Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My cat gives me a boner
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize