I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
