hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sober January is a disaster.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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