New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
