She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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