and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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