Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
