I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So vagazzling was a success
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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