You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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