just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
