Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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