my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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