I have demons in me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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