Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
