You just made me feel so damn special
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He shit in the fireplace
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize