Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
