More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
