I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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