I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
