I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she looked like the before picture.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize